Monday, October 22, 2012

The Experience...10/21 & 10/22

So the weekend...yeah...ummm where do I start. It was intense. At first thought I remember Jay using his Jedi mind trick and convincing us to do the Garage Games.
He said, "just have fun, do it for fun" he says.
I say, "ok" just knodding my head like the goof that I am.
I can't say no to the man! Damn you!!!

Anyway, I knew what to expect in terms of the levels of badassery that was going to be there. I volunteered last year so I knew this was going to be something completely different when you're actually in it.

Saturday was a complete bust for me. Wod one was the overhead squat which I could have done better with. I can squat 95# but I got only as far as 75#. The trick with me is I have to gradually build meaning I had to do the 85# before the big jump to 95#. But because we couldn't back track without doing the burpee penalty I just said screw it. I'll will try it the 95# straight out. So that was a bit of a fail for me. Wod #2 was a two mile run. I was already not feeling it but I knew it had to be done and I was determined to get it done no matter if it took me beyond the 20 minute cap. 3-2-1 GO! I went, I was running, good pace, then all of a sudden BAM! heal spur made its appearance and stabbed me right in my heal. I stopped and dropped right on the ground. I hobbled over to where the judges were standing and yeah I was crying like a baby, not because I was in pain but because I failed my team, my foot failed me and so far my ego was in the shits. Here are the Garage Games, athletes are duking it out and giving it all they had and here I am the fat chick who isn't even sweating because my effort level so far has been a 5 out of 10!

Wod #3 Pure Pharma. I felt like I could redeem myself and my team with this one. Mostly lifts, Power Snatch, shoulder to over head, Cleans then box jumps and burpee plate jumps. The strategy was good. Kim would do most of the reps when it came to box jumps and burpees and I would take all the reps on the lifts. And that worked out and it worked out well. Day one down, and as I drove home I still wasn't happy with the day overall. I felt small, I definatley didn't feel like an athlete and I beat myself up mentally for the rest of the night. I kept telling myself, "why am I Crossfitting?" "I'm quitting CF, fuck it." "I'm no good, I can't keep up with these people, and why the fuck am I in this competition!" "Who do I think I am!" I actually thought why even do the 2nd day, I just might mess that up as well. But I couldn't do that to my team.
The crazy thing is. I'm not a competitive person, I'm really not. I don't brag or boast. If anything I sell myself short for almost everything in life. So what I was feeling was just complete failure on my end. I am my worst critique no matter what I do.

Sunday, I came in head hanging low. But as soon as I walked in I had a bunch of the CFM fam come up to me and told me that I could do it. So I knew I had to change gears mentally. I went outside, took a deep breath and decided I'm going to slay this shit and go to crazy town on it.
Wod #4 The Air Dyne. He should have called it Air Dyne Death. It was nasty. 16 total minutes for the whole team. 8 min for the girls and 8min for the guys. The ongoing strategy was balls out @ 100% for 30seconds. If there's one thing I remember in my fitness journey that started 4 years ago is. You can do ANYTHING for 30 seconds!! Kim and I started up and that's what we did. 30 seconds at a clip 100% effort. Thighs were on fire and completely out of breath. Thank goodness 8min were up. I murdered that shit! That's right then I hobbled away because my quads were contracted for the next 15minutes...oye vey that was painful!!!

Now the hardest part was waiting for at least 2 hours to get our last and final Wod in. Yup that Wod was Fran. Oh man...what nasty thing can I say about Fran that hasn't been said by others. I've only experienced Fran one other time early in my CF days but I was well aware of the mental and physical damage she can give someone. I knew I would be scaled for pullups but scaled for thrusters was 45#. 45#'s really?? I tried it out in the warm up area and the bar was flying.'s the moment of truth folks. Here is where you have a straight up conversation in your head with yourself and you say do you go easy OR do you challenge yourself and walk away like you broke somebodies back and felt great about it. Minutes before our heat was called I just said hey I'll do Rx weight which was only 65# and obviously scale the pullups. Here we go, show time.
The guys went first since they are faster and they can do legit pullups. They did awesome they were fighting hard but wow they pulled through. Now the moment of truth, I was amped ready to go. Can I do it, will I fail. No time to think about that right now. My mom, bro, CFM members were all behind me cheering me on. Fight or Flight...It's time to Fight!

I hate thrusters but I was crushing them. I did 18 in a row, my shoulders were smoked I threw the bar down took about 5 deep breaths picked it back up and did the final 3 to complete 21. I went to the bar to do jumping pullups. Not as easy as they look because they have to be fast and on top of that I didn't have enough plates so I had to jump extra hard to get my chin over that damn bar. Did my 21 and back to the bar to do 15 thrusters. Now everything changed. Suddenly I get into this different world. I know I'm tired and I know I can't quit. There is so much happening around me but it's kinda fading away, no I'm not going to pass out. This was some real shit happening. I can still hear people screaming my name, Katie to my right coaching me and telling to push, my brother just a few feet behind me yelling my name, my team mates are right in my face telling me to go, go, go!!! But everything I see and hear is almost muted. I pick up the bar and start my 15, they were broken maybe clusters of 3 to 4 but they felt good. They weren't sloppy, my squats were deep, my overhead was tall and powerful. I just felt like I was outta of air but somehow someway I was still going and pushing. Next thing I did my jumping pullups and finally my last nine thrusters. The clock was ticking down. I think I had less than 90sec on the clock I think. I said to myself I have to as least complete these thrusters. So I pushed out five, dropped the bar then 6, 7, and....8. Times up. I stumble over to the plates to sit. I cried a little for a few seconds. Then suddenly, I didn't see any faces but all I heard and felt were hugs, kisses and cheers from everyone around me. It was a fucking Rudy moment.
I did it. I may have not completely finished fran but I did it. I pushed hard and left everything on the floor and then some.

Now I'm content, redemption is sweet. No matter what anyone says, I had to prove to myself that I belong. I may not have been chisled with muscles and a super athlete but I can hang. I can do what I do best.
Now will I do that again next year??
Hell fucking NO!
No really, I don't know. It depends what path I'm on at that point. If I'm a better CF athlete maybe, maybe not.
Now I have to get back to my true love Oly Lifting.



  1. So proud of you Yadi...NOTHING is harder than having to overcome your own negative thoughts. No lift or workout in the world is tougher to push past than having to work past your own demons. When I saw you sitting on that curb, I knew exactly what you were going through and I was so happy to see you continue like a fucking champ!

    Congratulations on completeing the GG. They looked insane...I was nervous even to judge. I dont think I could have competed!

  2. Yadi I love you!!! What you felt during Fran is what you call Blackout Town or "Going there". Its not a place you want to hang around too long but it really puts things into perspective. I am so proud of you!!! My performance at Beast of the East two weekends ago was terrible. I wanted to bury my head in the sand after the first day, but I was NOT going to quit. By the middle of day two I knew my body had reached full fatigue and I was beaten down but I still mentally "hung" in there. At the end of day two they announced WOD 6 for Sunday and I remember saying to myself "wow I'm going to get destroyed in that WOD!" But I still showed up on Sunday and did my thing. Many others dropped out due to "injuries" but in actuality they quit cause they were afraid to fail...what a shame!!! I'm SO glad you never quit. Just before that 2 mile run we talked at the start line and I said "just do the best you can do". And that you did...GREAT JOB!!!

  3. Yadi, you did great this weekend