Friday, January 25, 2013

Amanda M...Day 365

So…I survived the Year Long Assessment. I have blogged about the past 365 days of my life!

The purpose of this was to hold ourselves accountable for our actions; journal about our day to day struggles and triumphs for all to see. I have been through many ups and downs along the way, as have many of the other members who participated. It was great to have support and to know that we are not alone in all of this. Although many of the other members faded away from the daily blogging, I know that if I approached any of them in person, or through Facebook, that they would offer their full support and vice versa. And I bet all of them are really really well too!

We were asked to write down some of our goals that we wanted to accomplish throughout the year. In a nutshell, mine were to: hit a total of 100lb weight loss (at the time it was a mere 40lbs more to go…), be more confident, and to hit some new PRs (180 power clean, 8min 2k row, unassisted pull up, etc) The end result? *cue crash and burn sound clip* I didn't hit a single one of them. I put on weight, making my goal of hitting 100lb total loss even further out of reach. I am JUST starting to come out of my back corner spot and making my way up to the front of the class. I am 10lbs away from hitting my 180 power clean goal (close is not good enough for me), haven’t tested my 2k row and am still a slave to the dreaded ring rows. Life is full of failures though so I’ll just take this past year as it was and grow from it.

So, what exactly have I been doing all year? I tend to sit here while writing my blog posts and ask myself that question all the time. It seems that throughout this past year, every time I take one step forward, I've been taking two steps back. But when I really focus, and count all up the little successes, I do feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. What I can say for sure, is that this assessment has really opened up my eyes. I may not have hit any of my big goals, but at least I've been able to figure out what has been holding me back from accomplishing them. This upcoming year will be my year to finally get on track and stay there. I finally have 100% confidence in saying that.

Blogging has become a routine for me, as well as a mini therapy session. Although most of my posts have gone un-read, it still felt great to get shit off my chest—cry a little, rejoice often and swear a lot. So,  I will continue to blog on my own and invite you all to continue following my life. My blog is full of recipes and rants as well. It’s a good time!

Thanks for all the support and I look forward to turning this year long assessment into a lifelong one. A big thanks for Jay, Kathy and Dr Jaime for putting all of this together! It's been life changing.

Amanda M...Day 364

Woke up and did my 3 miles. It's cold down in my basement in the morning lol not fun. But, it's better than going out and driving somewhere.

Speaking of car wouldnt start yesterday morning. Luckily my roommate gave me a jump in the morning so I could get to work and my co-worker helped me out after work. Once I got home, I knew I wouldnt make it to crossfit cause no one was home. Had the weather been a bit more tolerable, I could have walked/ran there but it was just way too cold. I did my morning workout so missing the 205 calorie Tour de CFM workout wasn't too big of a deal.

Today is the last day! Bittersweet...I'll have a nice sum up post tonight. Maybe some of my fellow YLAers will make an appearance?? We'll see...

I will continue to blog on my personal blog:

Thursday, January 24, 2013

Amanda M...Day 363

Woke up early yesterday and did my 3 miles on the treadmill. Thank god for Netflix...I can't imagine running every morning just staring at a wall in silence.

Work wasnt too bad...just glad it is almost Friday!

Didnt go to crossfit after work. I just knew I wasnt going to give it my 100% cause there was absolutely nothing about last nights workout that I wanted to do. I just really hate wall balls, TGUs and 'pull ups'. I dont really want to do tonights airdyne from hell workout either but I know it will feel great once it's over.

Two more days

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Amanda M...Day 362

Yesterday started off rough. Getting out of bed at 5:45 to go run took alot of convincing. I hit the snooze a few times, sat there and had an internal battle...but eventually I  got up and got it done. 3ish miles

Food was on point--had a few pieces of chocolate. I dont know what it is about chocolate that is so damn comforting.

Snatch grip DL

10 min EMOM:
2 HPC: 125#
4-6 push ups


2 bench press: 95#
20 sec box jumps: three 45# plates

Was a good workout. Felt strong.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Amanda M...Day 361

Yesterday was good. Food was clean besides some ranch dressing on my salad.

Workout was horrible haha but aren't they always? I need to remember how shitty I feelt after not working out for 4 days and eating like an idiot. It doesn't feel nice...yet, I do it anyways.

Really mad at myself for what I did over the weekend. I had it in my head that I was going to be good...that even if I did eat something less than healthy that I wouldn't go overboard. That didnt work. I dont know what it is about my addiction to food...even though I know 100% that I shouldn't be doing it, I still do it anyways. Now I'm sitting here at my desk with my pants unbuttoned cause they are too tight when last year they were falling off of me.

It took me 20 min to talk myself into getting up early to run today. I almost didn't but finally just threw my covers off and sucked it up. What happened to my drive?

Monday, January 21, 2013

Amanda M...Day 358, 359 & 360

It's the final countdown! So sad :-(

Had a great weekend. So so so relaxing. I did nothing but sleep and watch tv...that's what VT is for! What about skiing you say? Fuck that...

I did eat like an idiot though, of course. Cause I'm an asshole with self sabotage issues. My cousin had the house stocked full of junk food because it was her last weekend to go crazy as she is starting her weightloss and working out journey today. The other two girls had no problem saying no to things but my cousin and I just had that mentality "It's in the house...might as well eat it"

I was sore from last monday's workout all the way until Saturday!! How crazy is that?

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Amanda M...Day 357

Good day. Work wasn't too horrible. Low stress day...hoping tomorrow will be the same.

I skipped the workout. My legs are still really killing me. Usually by now my legs arent to horrible but I am still hurting even getting into bed. So yeah...20 min of squats and deadlifts just didnt sound like a good idea. Sometimes you just need to listen to your body and take a rest day.

Well, off to bed. Working a short day tomorrow then I am off to Vermont!!

Amanda M...Day 356

Yesterday was good. Work was really really stressful but the day calmed down as it went on. I hate those kind of days. By the end of the day, I am just exhausted.

Workout was great. I love me some row sprints.

Heading to VT for the weekend tomorrow. I cannot wait to relax and do nothing. My cousin is starting to workout on monday so I think she is using this as her last weekend to really pig out. I hope I can control myself...yet, enjoy myself as the same time. Will keep you posted!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Amanda M...Day 355

Wow, only 10 days left!! What am I going to do with myself??

Stood in the front row again last night. I'm learning to like it!

Workout was great. I had been looking forward to it all day!

Woke up and did 3 miles on the treadmill. I was supposed to run it, but my legs were so messed up from the lunges on Monday, so I speed walked.

Tough set of 5 deadlift: got up to 145# which wasn't that bad at all
Tough set of 5 HPC: got up to 125# which felt good and solid

3 rounds
Amrap push press @ 85#
45 sec row sprint (220m on average)
60 sec farmers carry with 55# kettlebells

Man, my grip is hurting! Tonight is going to be even worse...pull ups and T2B with all that rowing? Yikes!

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Amanda M...Day 354

I stood in the front of the class last night! WOO! It wasn't all that horrible either.. I was still a bit self conscious but it worked out just fine by the end of the night.

Holy hell, my ass was killing me as soon as I left the gym. I love lunges especially for that reason. Front standing lunges with a barbell awkward. I felt like a baby giraffe learning to walk. The guy next to me fell 3 times! It would have been better if we could have done walking ones but there were way too many people.

Food was on point yesterday. Learned my lesson with eating chocolate. Found a few bugs in the candy I had been eating since fucking Christmas. My stomach was turning all day just thinking about if I actually ate any or not. YUCK!! I wont lie, I will probably go to Trader Joe's to get some dark chocolate covered almonds...much healthier choice. Sometimes you just need a piece of chocolate! I am definitely much happier now that I have settled with being 80/20. I get too depressed with I am 100% strict

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Amanda M...Day 351, 352 & 353

This weekend was pretty good. Friday I took my rest day. I was so tired and exhausted from the week so I needed it.

Saturday I did 3 miles when I was supposed to do 5 :-/ but at least I did something! Went out Saturday night...only had two drinks and when we went to get food afterwards, I didn't get my usual sandwich. Chris and I decided to split a sandwich and I only ended up having a few bites. I got a fruit salad instead of chips. Success!

Sunday I went to breakfast at whole foods. Their bacon...amaaazinggg haha It was a relaxing day. I baked treats and then made jambalaya for the week--well, I made enough for two weeks ;-)

Not looking forward to work..ughhh. Hope things start to get better. I don't know how much longer I can last the way it is now

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Amanda M...Day 350

Another good day. Was feeling a bit beat up so I speed walked this morning instead of running. I wanted to skip it altogether but I got my ass out of bed and at least did SOMETHING.

Food-on point. I brought oats to work so I could eat them early enough before my workout but I forgot my agave. So...I didn't eat them. I felt okay during the workout though.

Shoulder to over head started at 95 and ended at 145 (PR is 155)
Farmers carry 10m/20/30/40/50/60/70: 55# kettle bells
FLR: Went for as long as I could with these. They aren't my favorite...they bother my wrists and gives me shooting pains in my shoulders so I never last long.

Tomorrow is my rest day....I think. Long run on Sat and supposed to do some sort of cross workout on Sunday--either rowing, airdyne or bike. We will see how I feel tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Amanda M...Day 349

Thank you all so much for the support yesterday. I really needed it!! It's great to know that I am not alone in my thoughts and actions.

Another 3 mile run this morning. My running training isn't too crazy during the week, but the weekends are going to be my longer runs. Adding on a mile each weekend. Still trying to figure it out while still doing crossfit. Was feeling a bit run down today at the workout but I partially blame this stomach ache I had.

Tomorrow I will be eating some oats a few hours before class. I know by Thursday I start to get beat down so I figure the added carbs will help.

Jay emailed me last night right after I posted on the facebook page and told me to start standing in the front row. He snagged me right as I walked into the gym tonight and brought it up again. Naturally, I was like "uhhh...maybe..." haha but I told him I could start with the middle row and work my way up. So that's what I did...well I tried to at least. You don't have much say when it comes to placement in a class full of like 30 people. I was in the middle of the middle as opposed to the back corner...its a step!

Yadi is so right. I'm wasting precious time by holding back. I look back at all my calenders since I was a kid...and there is always a count down written in the corner--a countdown to a date when I am supposed to weigh a certain weight. Seriously, it's on every calendar I owned and every assignment book I had. I even made my own calendars specifically for weight loss time lines. My whole life has been a countdown to when I could finally be happy...and I've never made it all the way to day 0. This is my time. I want to be happy. Truly happy.

Tomorrow is a new day! So pumped for some push jerks--second favorite move after the power clean.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Amanda M...Day 348

Started the day off with a 3 mile run. Felt good to get it done! Was a bit tired throughout the day, but after I make it a habit, I'm sure my body will adjust.

Food was on point. Still no rice or oats and felt fine all day. Usually I start to hit walls by Thursday so we will see how I do for the rest of the week.

So...I think I finally figured out why I can never get passed a point in my weight loss. I haven't been under a certain weight since middle school...middle school! And I think I finally know why...

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I am an introvert. If I don't really know you, I'm going to be pretty shy. (Throw a few captain and cokes at me and its a different story...) But when it comes down to it...I'm uncomfortable with attention. I stand in the back row, I wear baggy clothes, I don't wear make up (unless I'm going out on a sat night), I don't wear jewelry. I don't like singing in front of people unless I'm joking and purposely sounding like an idiot. If I see Jay walking around with a camera, I avoid him at all costs. When coaches are walking around close by, I pretend I'm on my rest until they walk away. Being overweight gives me a reason to stay in the shadows, to not show people that I am good at things--because being good at things draws attention!!

I could have been great at tennis. My form was flawless, I broke a girls racket with my serve. But my weight always held me back from being truly great. I gave up on the match before I even stepped foot on the court. Going in 'knowing' I was going to fail was less painful than actually trying and failing. It didn't feel as bad walking off the court when I already knew I was going to lose to begin with. My weight held me back...It kept me from feeling like I needed to try.

So yeah...those are my thoughts. Now the next step is trying to figure out how to get the fuck over it....

Amanda M...Day 347

It was a good day. I got a new bed over the weekend and man, I have been sleeping like a rock!! It's very firm but I got a foam pad and a mattress pad to go over it is perfect. I sleep right through the night, all the way until my alarm goes off. Cant wait to go to bed again haha

Food was on point. Took the rice and oates back out of my diet :-/ just wasn't working for me. Made me feel bloated and gas-y. Had two pieces of chocolate but that's all I needed. It's nice to allow myself a small sweet treat without going over board. It's better than holding out all week and then binging on the weekend.

Workout was great. I'm starting to love OHS. I think I finally got the right position to where it isn't as painful on my wrists and not too far behind my ears to where my arms are going to fly behind me--I have really loose shoulders (almost TOO loose) so I've always had a problem with that. Now I just need to perfect the squat snatch! It's probably my ugliest lift...anything over 65lbs just flies right over my head and rips my arms out of place lol ugly!!

Happy Tuesday! Started today off with a 3 mile run :-)

Monday, January 7, 2013

Amanda M...Day 344, 345 & 346

Friday: Major major back pain. I could barely even walk, it was that painful to take a step. Skipped the workout even thought I said I wouldn't but I knew I needed to take the day. I had promised Lara I'd come to the 7am Sat class so I didn't want to do too much.

Friday night I went out to Sliders in Wallingford. Surrounded by fried everything, wings drenched in sauces, and lots and lots of booze. I was the only one at our table of 12 that was drinking water. Instead of the mac & cheese burger I really wanted...I settled with an avocado turkey wrap with a side of chili instead of fries. High five for me :-) Not drinking is so much cheaper lol

Saturday: 7am workout followed by breakfast at Whole Foods. This was my first time visiting Whole Foods for breakfast---which is my most favorite meal of the day. I was in fucking heeeaaavennnn!!!

Took a nap...then tried to run 4 miles. I got 2 miles in and totally hit a wall. Saturdays are going to be big running days for me and I'm not totally sure how to go about it...skip crossfit and run instead? Or run on Sundays instead? We will see...

Sunday: Lazy day and my rest day. Took the boyfriend to whole foods for breakfast because he didnt know what the big deal was about...when he saw the spread, he got just as super excited as I did haha

Only a few more weeks left...It's going to be so weird not coming on here everyday

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Amanda M...Day 343

What the hell was that awful workout?!

12 DL then 50 cal on AD
12 DL 40 cal

I haven't felt that shitty in a long time. I really didn't think it was going to be that brutal! That damn Airdyne is deceiving. However, once it was over...I felt great--about myself anyway...haha

After all the squats yesterday and the damn AD tonight...seeing all those thrusters tomorrow did not make me really happy. BUT!! I am DONE with that phase of making excuses to skip a workout. Time to get my shit together.

Joined another weight loss contest....and my boyfriend is doing it too. Last time he won the whole thing. I am determined to kick his ass!!

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Amanda M...Day 342

Today was a good day...woke up early and ran 2 miles. It was supposed to be 3 but I didn't calculate the time correctly and didn't want to get too late of a start to my day.

Back to rice with lunch.

Work wasn't too stressful. It was actually pretty nice to be back and to have a routine again. It was starting to get boring being at home and getting fat lol

Workout at CFM was good. A very nice workout to come back to. 8 min at my own pace of a bunch of pull ups, squats and sprinting of all sorts. I can tell you right now that I already know I wont be walking right for a while haha

As soon as I got there, Jay walked up to me and asked how my diet was going. Talk about embarrassment!! I told him that the holidays were really bad and he asked about how I was doing before the holiday. I told him that I didn't lose a single pound in the second week and he told me I should get my allergy testing done to see if maybe I am allergic to something he told me to add to my diet.

THEN Colin comes up to me and asks if I had been away on vacation or something haha fuck me. I didn't think anyone would notice that I had been missing....but I guess if someone goes to the 530 class every day for 2 years, its noticeable when they're gone for 2 weeks. Blatantly told him that I had been lazy lol at least I don't make excuses!

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Amanda M...Day 340 & 341

Monday and Tuesday...New Years!

What a bittersweet feeling for it to be Tuesday night. Back to work tomorrow but I feel completely prepared and rejuvenated. Hopefully that feeling will last through tomorrow lol

Well, everyone has New Years resolution...might as well share mine!
1. Work on my novel--some of you may not know, but I really love writing and have a pretty good knack for it. Will be taking a class in the spring to work on it.
2. Do a half marathon--preferably the Savin Rock Half Marathon on March 23.
3. Do a GoRuck run--preferably the one in Manchester NH on June 28

All the races are doable...12 weeks until the race and then 14 weeks until the Go Ruck which gives me plenty of time to train for both.

Other than that, obviously on of my resolutions is to get to my goal weight. Something I had set out to do LAST year. I just have to get my ass in gear. I am hoping that having these races in my sight will keep me motivated.