Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Amanda M...Day 348

Started the day off with a 3 mile run. Felt good to get it done! Was a bit tired throughout the day, but after I make it a habit, I'm sure my body will adjust.

Food was on point. Still no rice or oats and felt fine all day. Usually I start to hit walls by Thursday so we will see how I do for the rest of the week.

So...I think I finally figured out why I can never get passed a point in my weight loss. I haven't been under a certain weight since middle school...middle school! And I think I finally know why...

I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I am an introvert. If I don't really know you, I'm going to be pretty shy. (Throw a few captain and cokes at me and its a different story...) But when it comes down to it...I'm uncomfortable with attention. I stand in the back row, I wear baggy clothes, I don't wear make up (unless I'm going out on a sat night), I don't wear jewelry. I don't like singing in front of people unless I'm joking and purposely sounding like an idiot. If I see Jay walking around with a camera, I avoid him at all costs. When coaches are walking around close by, I pretend I'm on my rest until they walk away. Being overweight gives me a reason to stay in the shadows, to not show people that I am good at things--because being good at things draws attention!!

I could have been great at tennis. My form was flawless, I broke a girls racket with my serve. But my weight always held me back from being truly great. I gave up on the match before I even stepped foot on the court. Going in 'knowing' I was going to fail was less painful than actually trying and failing. It didn't feel as bad walking off the court when I already knew I was going to lose to begin with. My weight held me back...It kept me from feeling like I needed to try.

So yeah...those are my thoughts. Now the next step is trying to figure out how to get the fuck over it....

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