Tough Decision(s)...Thursday

This is a quick one.

Well This past week has (once again) been one for the books. You know I've come to realize its never a dull moment for me. It may feel like it is when I have a quiet week but its all an illusion.

First of all I'm surprised I'm not breaking down yet. No, I mean a full out melt down. But I'm holding myself up right now. In sum I lost my job and I had to make possibly what felt like a the hardest decision I had to make to date. I had to decide to suspend my CF membership. I just couldn't afford it anymore. It's not the first time I've been in limbo with work and I've always managed to somehow keep the membership but this time the squeeze is too tight and I can't breath. Pressing the send button for that request via email hurt like a bitch. I mean it was weird. I didn't realize how attached I was to that place. I have to admit I was crying. I felt like I failed somehow someway. I feel like I'm going to gain even more weight and become 265 pounds again. Well...I felt fucked up!
I promised myself that I will have to be like many and CF/Oly on my own. I live on a second floor so this will be tricky. But I already have my brother and a friend of his with some connects on some used stuff like a barbell, a few plates. They're great scavengers they can find anything. The thing is how many times have we told ourselves that we will do something on our own and wind up vegging out instead.
This will be a test of will in many ways.

Still down, still sad, this sucks big fucking balls.